There have been many occasions in my life where I have felt immense pain & disappointment. It’s one of the burdens of being such a sensitive person.
I use to absolutely hate the fact that I was so sensitive and things hurt as bad as they did. I use to hate the fact that I would see someone on the streets hurting and bursts into tears. I use to hate that I would hear about a separation of a family and just want to cry. I use to hate the fact that I hurt as bad as I do.
I use to absolutely HATE the fact that heartache was so brutal on me… It frustrates me at times. So many times in my life I have prayed for God to take it away. To make the heartache stop. To make me LESS of a caring person. To make me LESS of a loving person. Time and time again I would pray these types of prayer out of desperation. Often time, the heartache is so hard to bare that I find it easier to run. Try and mask it somehow. I use to turn to whatever thing would offer a momentary second of not having to deal with the heartache.
As time went on, and I thought prayers weren’t being answered I slowly came to realize that I was actually running from a gift. I came to realize that God has given me a compassionate spirit and heart because the world NEEDS more people to break for what’s broken. The world needs more people who struggle to put themselves above others. This world needs more people to serve and love the least of thee…
Recently I have come into another season of immense heartache & my first initial plan was to switch it off. Run from God. Run from the pain. Numb it, however, I could but for some reason this time is different. I stopped running. I stopped turning from the pain and ran towards the pain. Almost in a sense learned to embrace.
I have come to terms with the simple fact that I cry. A lot. My heart breaks. My love & compassion for people often time leave me in a deep sense of grief and heartache BUT that’s okay. Jesus Himself went through the greatest of pain and the deepest of heartache because of His love for me. How in the world can I run from the very personality trait that Jesus Himself had?
His heart was constantly breaking. He was consistently returning to His Father to help Him deal with the heartache. He wept. He broke for those who were broken.
For me. I have learned it’s okay to come into my room, sit on the floor, pray to God and cry my heart out to Him. There is peace in it. It doesn’t make the hurt any less, but often times I can walk away knowing that I at least expressed the deep grief of my heart to the one person who will never leave me. I at least walk away knowing that I gave myself away completely to the one person I could count on….
I made a promise to my best friend that I would never deal with the heart ache the way I used to. I’ll never shut myself off again…. And at the end of the day, my promise to my best friend will always remain. It hurts. It sucks, but there is beauty to be found here. There is hope to be found here.
Yes. Life hurts, but life can hurt with hope…