Let’s get real.
These last few years of my life have been extremely rough (Divorce, breakups, depression, financial troubles, health issues, body image issues/bulimia, etc….) There have been ups & downs, to say the least. Time & time again I have run to things outside of God and ended up completely broken & empty-handed but still living in the center of the world and God. Struggling to fully commit to God simply because of disappointment.
There have been promises that God has given me & after all that I have been through it seems to me like it is absolutely impossible that His promise will still come to pass. The beautiful thing is that no matter where my life has been personally, He has been there.
Even in the midst of extreme storms crashing into my life, bringing me to my knees, desperation, depression, lack of self-worth, overwhelmed with the mountains in front of me, etc… He never changed. He never stopped loving me. He never stopped guiding my footsteps. Even when the storms raged I sought after God’s heart with all that I had. I sought Him and His strength (1 Chronicles 16:11)… So although I may have felt like I wasn’t living up to His standard, in reality, I wasn’t living up to the standard that religion set up for me…
You see. God is not basing our lives off of how our life is going. He sees our hearts (1 Sam. 16:7). He wants our hearts (Proverbs 23:26). He yearns for a generation that will turn to Him instead of alcohol. He yearns for men who will turn to Him instead of towards women. He yearns for a generation that will turn to Him & sit in His presence instead of binging on Netflix. He yearns for a generation who will scroll through the bible instead of through social media.
Do you get it? He just wants your love, He just wants your heart’s devotion, He just wants what all of us want… Whats even more insane is that He wants it so desperately that He sent His one and only son to die a terrible death SO THAT we could have complete access to His heart. He just want’s to be loved fam… If He cared about your performance He wouldn’t have sent Jesus. Jesus wouldn’t have come of His own free will if they didn’t want you.
He chose you well before you chose Him (Romans 5:8). He chased after you well before you even THOUGHT about Him. He looked down from heaven and KNIT you together in your mom’s womb (Psalms 139:13). He has a wonderful life for us all fam. We must simply stay the course. Not in perfection, but in pursuit.
I have had my fair share of moments in this life where I felt like giving up. Where I felt like I was completely worthless and like no one could ever love me. Where I felt like I was SO FAR GONE that not even God would want me back… Time and time again satan has whispered these lies in my head and my heart. Trying to make me NOT want to come home to the loving Father who is there waiting and guiding each and every move I make.
Stay the course fam. Let Him guide you. Turn to Him in your time of need. It’s not about your performance, it’s about your pursuit.